


my best friend? his name is loneliness.

by literally_jams



Category: The Amazing Spider-Man (Movies - Webb)
Genre: Angst, Gen, Loneliness, i was having a bad week, this is so sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-25
Updated: 2016-09-25
Packaged: 2018-08-17 08:09:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 915
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8136800
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/literally_jams/pseuds/literally_jams
Summary: there isn't anyone out there for harry. there is no changing what is written in stone.





	

**Author's Note:**

> jamie writes about his sad personal life as harry osborn: fic 806

it isn’t hard to see, they all want something from harry.

of course, that’s the way the world spins, right? everyone wants something from someone.

harry is more aware of it than most. he knows all anyone wants from him is his money or his company and they want, they want, they want. and they’ll never receive.

sometimes, he thinks it’s nice to have his pick of people. he is always first choice, he is never left in the dust with no one for him. he forgets they only want his company and his money and nothing else.

no one ever wants harry’s misery or his hopelessness or his smiles or his love.

it’s lonely, sometimes. harry loses sleep on a lot of things. occasionally, he thinks about how truly _lonely_ he is, he has all his friends but they aren't his _friends_. they will leave him as soon as he gives them what they want, they are only putting up with him.

it hurts, like a knife in the chest that’s been there since the beginning of time, and harry has only built his life around the knife. it’s a subtle ache that weighs his heart down and no one will ever come take the knife out.

harry remembers when he put his heart into people, he remembers when he thought someone would stay.

he remembers when he loved more than he received. he remembers when all that love was gone.

it is an equilibrium, now. no one loves harry and harry loves no one.

he is heartless, but not due to his own fault.

he remembers a foggy boy, with round glasses and tall hair and ambition that can challenge harry’s.

he would only be lying to himself if he said he doesn’t remember the foggy boy with the camera and beat up converse shoes.

harry thought peter parker was his exception, he thought in a world where no one wanted _harry,_ peter parker would.

(he didn’t.)

peter parker is messy for harry. he almost doesn’t know what happened.

he loved peter parker. loved him more than anything he’s ever loved. maybe peter parker loved harry back at one point.

peter parker and harry were best friends for ten years, and then they weren’t best friends.

their social circles had never mixed, harry was hardly one to protest the status quo.

peter had gotten himself a girlfriend and replaced harry. in forty minutes, harry osborn didn’t belong to peter parker anymore. he hasn’t belonged to anyone since.

harry had to hear the news of gwen stacy from the hallways like a neandertal, as if he wasn’t peter parker’s best friend.

gwen stacy and peter parker were dating and goddamn mary jane watson knew it before harry.

it’s stupid. it’s idiotic why they stopped talking but harry couldn't stop feeling so hurt. so replaceable. harry was kept out of the loop by his own best friend.

he had gone to peter and softly asked him, ‘how come i didn’t know about you and gwen? i thought we were best friends.’

peter said something about not knowing his feelings for her until recently and mary jane knew because he tells mary jane everything and all harry hears is, ‘i didn’t tell you because i don’t trust you.’

harry’s blood rises and he is so angry and he doesn't know what he says until peter tells him that maybe they aren’t best friends anymore.

harry doesn’t think much of it, first. he leaves. he lets the anger melt and then he realizes peter parker and harry osborn are no more. there is only peter parker and mary jane watson and gwen stacy. there is only harry osborn and the loneliness for five lifetimes.

harry had thought he was overreacting. harry had thought this is small, this won’t ruin their friendship.

peter stops calling. peter goes on dates with gwen stacy while harry waits at the river they skip stones weekly in the rain. peter cuts harry off and harry is left with his knife digging deeper into his chest.

after two years, peter parker and gwen stacy fled to england and harry isn't stuck in new york. he could go to england if he wanted.

he doesn’t. peter’s loss, anyway.

(peter replaced his best friend, he hasn’t lost anything. harry loses his heart and all he’s ever felt for anyone that isn’t disdain.)

  
peter parker and gwen stacy are in a good place. they’re in love and they’re happy.

harry hasn’t found another best friend. he hasn’t found a soft boy to call his own and goddamn, does he deserve one.

harry puts up with his friends. his friends put up with harry.

harry doesn’t talk about anything, anymore. his eyes never light up, he never talks about anything he’s passionate about.

all his friends want him for his money and his advice and they all complain about their lives to him and when he is their anchor, who will be his when he drifts away? (no one.)

harry needs them. without his stupid, manipulative, toxic friends he’d have no one. he’d be alone.

he can’t stand being alone again.

no matter how many people he surrounds himself with, he is so _lonely_.

he smiles around them and he parties with them but they don’t hang around him longer than they need to.

when they are gone, harry’s only companion is his alcohol and his loneliness.

it’s lonely at the top. it’s lonely everywhere he goes.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> i had a bad week and this was the result. also i used the word lonely/loneliness too much shrug emoticon


End file.
